I Think I Have the Swine Flu

If Swine Flu means you are sick of Janet Napolitano, then I’ve got a raging case of it.  But seriously – aside from the occasional urge to start oinking, I’ve never felt better.

Pork farmers are not too happy with the latest craze that has everyone asking “Should I quit eating pork products”? I’m considering converting to Judaism, Islam or Vegetarianism (or perhaps all three)  just to be safe.

The numbers don’t lie.  We’ve now had a possible 159 deaths worldwide.  This is cause for great panic since this is nearly 1/2 of 1 percent of those that normally die of the flu every year;  and I’m quite sure that no government agencies have exaggerated these numbers.  Of course, every death from now on will be Swine Flu related.

Considering that the infamous Bird Flu epidemic wiped out nearly .00000001 percent of the global population a few years ago, I just don’t know how civilization will go on.

I’m told that flu inoculations are on the way.  Side effects of the shots may include dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting, fever, loss of consciousness and an aversion towards bacon.  Get to your county health department before you don hooves.